Thursday, August 6, 2015

Topics Women Hide From

As women there are subjects that we tend to avoid being honest about. And sometimes try to avoid all together. Maybe it's for fear of being judged or looked at differently. I think it's often not until someone else is honest about their feelings that we then can admit we feel the same way. Why are we so afraid of being honest with our selves and even more so with each other?

Getting pregnant is one of life's little miracles. Many women base their whole entire life on when they will become a mother. And when it does, they are overwhelmed with joy. Well maybe not for some women. Some women although very much wanting to carry a child do not feel it is the best experience. Not all women actually like being pregnant. Yes, there I said it. I have not been pregnant myself but I have watched several friends go through two completely different experiences when it comes to pregnancy. And it's difficult to see the friends who did not have the greatest experience being pregnant feel shameful for feeling that way. Why can't a woman say that she dreads the part of gaining weight, feels like her body is disowning her, never had anything close to a "glow", admits to drinking more than the recommended coffee amounts, desperately wants to drink a glass of wine and has no urge to breastfeed period. Why is it so frowned upon for a women to speak her truth? You don't hear women who have great pregnancies shy away from telling everyone....and I mean everyone! But the moment a pregnant women even starts to say something that sounds like a negative remark about pregnancy, you can just see the looks of other women judging her. 

Getting married is something you dream about ever since you were a little girl. You grow up playing house and even marry off your Barbie and Ken dolls. Then as you get older, you date different guys and endure one too many heartbreaks. You see relationships for what they sometimes really are. Temporary spaces in your life that you can't control. You begin to realize that maybe marriage is not what you want or believe in anymore. But your afraid to even say it out loud much less tell your closest friends and definetly not your mother. After all they are all married or engaged and would probably tell you that your just going through a phase. Or tell you that you've just dated the wrong guys and not to worry your future husband is out there somewhere. But you know deep down if marriage wasn't in the cards for you, you would probably be just fine. But again we feel this guilt for being brutally honest. And for fear of downplaying our friends marriages and relationships, we simply agree that it's just a phase and your probably just being a little bitter. 

Hold your head high and never let them see you sweat. We are trained since an early age to have our life plan mapped out. College, career, marriage and kids. But what about plan B?  Or even better yet, plan C? Did anyone ever tell you what happens when plan A doesn't fall into place? I didn't think so. So why is that? It's almost as if plan A doesn't go accordingly, than somehow we must have failed in our life. And even worse we would have to admit that we failed if we tried to discuss it with someone else. Not everyone fits into plan A and that's okay. Life is often better lived off script. So what, you didn't go to college or even finish. And maybe your in your thirties just now figuring out what you want to do for your career. And maybe being single is your plan for now so you can travel first before getting married and having kids. What's so wrong with that plan? Your life doesn't have to be like everyone else's or even in the same order. But we fear to admit to each other that we like our plan better and that life sometimes tastes better against the grain. 

You should never apologize for how you feel, who you are as a person or where you stand on certain topics. So often we seek approval from others. But being honest in how you feel may likely make others feel relieved. We also seek other women who are just like us. It's much more comforting and inspiring when you have those who are closest to you share in your same feelings. So next time your faced with these topics, be true to YOU. Make no excuses and remember, you may not be alone. 

XO, Rae

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