BLANK PAGE: A LIFE UPDATE

We're adults, when did that happen? And how do we make it stop? These words immediately resonated with me as I heard them out loud during an episode of Grey's Anatomy. I was having a crappy day and was in my feelings so, I ordered Chinese food, dug deep into the blankets on my bed and binged watched a season on Netflix. And at that moment hearing those words, I burst into tears. Life has recently reminded me that it owes you nothing and that change is inevitable. 


I know now more than ever that life happens regardless if you're ready for it or not. This year has been full of change both personally and professionally. My family dynamic has changed with the divorce of my parents. Although probably best for both parties involved, it still comes with pain and loss. And one thing I was not prepared for, is how it has changed the relationship I have with my mother. She is someone I have always been extremely close with. But I'm learning that parents have their life to live just as we have our own. And even though I wish things could go back to the way they were, this is now our new normal. I also, recently parted ways with my half-sister. This is something that has built up for years but still hurts nonetheless. I understand now that with loss comes growth. I have always been a "fixer" in my relationships with others. And this year has taught me that there are some things that can't be fixed. I've learned to accept things for what they are. And in the process, I am also learning to stop carrying the guilt. Being an adult comes with responsibility, but it also comes with the freedom of doing what is best for YOU.


My professional life has taken on a whole new meaning. As I once used to pride myself on a title I held in the corporate world, I am now learning the meaning of being an entrepreneur. I never realized how much I depended on a job status until I stripped it away. But in the past year of reinventing myself, I realized that I didn't need to have a "title" or "status" in order to be happy. My only regret is that I wish I had realized this sooner. But Life is funny that way, in that it gives you what you need when you least expect it. 


So, let this be a reminder that life comes with many unexpected changes. But you always have the option to rewrite your story and start on a blank page. Even when life feels like too much, just know that you will get through it. Although, I never would have imagined all the change this year would bring, I am reminded that I have much to look forward to. I am in the process of starting a business and launching my own Lifestyle Brand, later this FALL! And I could not be more excited. I also, will be embarking on year #3 of living in New York City, this October. I am choosing happiness even in the middle of life's chaos. 



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XO, Rae

It's Not Me, It's You

Mandy Hale, otherwise known as The Single Women posted this quote the other day on her FB page. (Go follow her, seriously) It was just too good not to share. My last serious relationship was one that took me awhile to get over. The love was always there between us but unfortunately he wasn't always there. I wanted to hold on so bad that I ultimately lost myself in the process. I'm sure some of you can relate to having that one relationship that you wish you could go back and tell yourself to run! Although the relationship has been over for some time now, when I read this quote it resonated with me. I mean this isn't a new concept but, something about seeing the words and reading it out loud hit me hard. I can remember trying to justify why he did what he did in our relationship. Why he stepped out. Why he made me feel like it was me. Why he couldn't commit. And there I would be trying to make it all sound less shitty by pointing out all of my imperfections in the relationship and taking some of the blame. When here is the simple truth. He couldn't offer me what I deserved in a relationship. We tried so many times to put the pieces back together that I lost count. And even though I have moved on, I wish I would have realized sooner that I wasn't asking for too much in our relationship. It's sad that we can allow someone to make us feel as if we are asking for too much so we start to settle for what they can actually offer us and make excuses for the rest. I know deep down I always knew he wouldn't be the one to give me what I needed or deserved, but sometimes it helps to see it in bold letters. We are all worthy of having the right person who can give us everything we deserve and more without feeling as if we are asking for too much. I'm not giving up and neither should you. 

XO, Rae

Status: SINGLE

I can admit, I am still a little damaged from my last serious relationship. I don't feel pity for myself. I just know now exactly what I want and what I don't want out of my next relationship. Just because someone wants to be with you doesn't mean you have to be with them. Your not doing yourself a favor by trying to fill the void in your life. I used to look at failed relationships as a bad thing. I am a product of divorce. I typically have trust issues with men. And I haven't always picked the greatest ones to be with. I now see it as a chance to grow and learn from. I'm not perfect. I've definitely had my faults in past relationships. But all of that has helped to mold me into the person I am today. And because of lessons learned, I am more sure of what I want for myself in the future.

Being single isn't always easy or ideal. Although it is sometimes welcomed. I think being single is often looked at as a negative status. Honestly, I think more women should embrace it. But it's a choice I make. I am willing to stay single for as long as needed. God willing, that won't be forever! I'm not getting any younger. Ha! Now that I am in my thirties, it's more important for me to stay true to myself. I'm not looking for a perfect guy. I just know there are some traits I am not willing to settle for. I have goals, hopes and dreams and I want someone who I can share those with. So ladies, don't be afraid to wait for the love you deserve. 

XO, Rae

10 Things You Learn In Your 30's

I have learned to fully embrace my Thirties and I have to say so far, they have not disappointed. But of course with age comes wisdom. With the help of some friends, I have compiled a list of '10 Things You Learn In Your 30's.'

1.  Embrace who YOU are. 

 By 30 you start to really get to know who you are as a person and what you want out of life. You become an adult so to speak. Your getting your career on point, your paying bills like a boss and dating like a grown woman. Don't be fearful of who you may become. Be open to the possibilities.

2.  Your Mom is always right. -credit: Kristi Evans

 It's bound to happen. You will begin to hear yourself channeling your mother and saying to yourself "She was right!"  I even find that I often apologize to my Mom for thinking that she has no idea what I am going through....what I now realize is that she has already been there and done it. Hence why Mom's give the best advice!

3. You are not missing out on anything. -credit: Billy Berces

 Remember when you got invited to go out with your friends and you were so afraid of missing out you would never say 'NO'. Well those days are over. You just worked a 40+ hour week, your tired, you have nothing to wear and all you really want to do is go home and watch 'The Real Housewives'. Plus you can live vicariously via Facebook and save yourself the hangover. You will thank yourself in the morning!

4. Family is not always blood. -credit: Marisa Liona

 I agree 100% with this! Family does not have to be true to definition. Being family means more than just sharing a last name or a bloodline of relatives. It's about being there for someone and making an effort to be a part of their life. You don't get to pick your family but you do get to pick your friends. If your lucky, some of those friends will become family. 

5.  It's okay to make mistakes. -credit: Billy Berces

 Although you are well into adulthood now. You are still allowed to make mistakes. You don't have to have it all figured out in a perfect pinterest board. Be open to the idea that things will fall apart at times. But more often than not you will find yourself able to pick the pieces quicker. 

6. Sometimes you become the parent for your parents. -credit: Jackie Alfaro

 At some point you will find yourself in a moment of being the parent to your parent(s). Whether it's in giving advice or in caring for them as they get older. Both are more of a reality at this age. You will begin to start to worry about them more often, be ultra protective and have to deal with the fact that they are getting older and will need you more than ever. 

7.  A few good friends are all you really need. 

 At this age it is all about quality NOT quantity. Life is busy and when you do have down time, you want to invest in those who make it worth while. This isn't high school anymore and you don't need to be in a clique. You need real girlfriends that you can laugh with, confide in and drink bottles of wine with no judgment. 

8.  Date yourself.
   
 Ladies, LISTEN UP! You can't expect for someone to love you if you don't love yourself. And sometimes the best way to do that is to date yourself. Meaning put yourself on "a break" and get to know who you are deep down. The only way you are going to know what you want out of a relationship is to know what you have to have offer as well. Try it. I promise you will be a better girlfriend and one day wife for it!

9.  Sex is better in your thirties.  -credit: Jennifer Sears

 Okay so now that you have dated your self and have sworn off men for awhile. Nothing will get you back in the saddle more than having some good sex! It's true, sex is better in your thirties. Maybe its because of all the bad sex you had in your twenties or because your more experienced now? Whatever it is, be thankful! 

10. Your life is NOT over at 30! 

 Contrary to what you may think, turning 30 is not as awful as it may seem. It is possible that your thirties will be some of the best years of your life. Enjoy it because 40 is around the corner. Kidding! 



  XO, Rae



Have some more to add? Comment below. 

The One That Got Away

Ladies, have you ever thought to your self "what if he was the one?"  Let's face it, we have all dated a guy in the past and then later in life started to wonder could he be the one that got away?! 

In this case it's kinda reversed. I've had 2 guys that I've dated in the past that have at one time or another seeked me out again and have said the exact words of "I've always wondered what it would be like if we were still together?" It's somewhat flattering and somewhat frustrating. Is it because they have failed relationships and want to reach back into their past? Or is it because they truly feel that way now? 

Some would say that exes are that for a reason. And we all know that relationships end for all sorts of reasons. In my case both relationships didn't end on bad terms. They simply ended because at the time we were young and in different places in our lives. So it does beg the question: What if?

I think as women we tend to struggle with this question sometimes. Wondering if we passed up on "the one" or wonder could it be different now that both people are older and maybe wiser? 

We all know the phrase "leave the past in the past". Why dig up old feelings and make them fit into your present life?  But I'm sure in some scenarios it has worked out for some couples. Maybe rekindling the flame years later is not such an awful idea if both people are invested in it. 

So I say you be the judge of your own heart. You never know, YOU could be the one that got away.❤️

XO, 

Rae