It's Not Me, It's You

Mandy Hale, otherwise known as The Single Women posted this quote the other day on her FB page. (Go follow her, seriously) It was just too good not to share. My last serious relationship was one that took me awhile to get over. The love was always there between us but unfortunately he wasn't always there. I wanted to hold on so bad that I ultimately lost myself in the process. I'm sure some of you can relate to having that one relationship that you wish you could go back and tell yourself to run! Although the relationship has been over for some time now, when I read this quote it resonated with me. I mean this isn't a new concept but, something about seeing the words and reading it out loud hit me hard. I can remember trying to justify why he did what he did in our relationship. Why he stepped out. Why he made me feel like it was me. Why he couldn't commit. And there I would be trying to make it all sound less shitty by pointing out all of my imperfections in the relationship and taking some of the blame. When here is the simple truth. He couldn't offer me what I deserved in a relationship. We tried so many times to put the pieces back together that I lost count. And even though I have moved on, I wish I would have realized sooner that I wasn't asking for too much in our relationship. It's sad that we can allow someone to make us feel as if we are asking for too much so we start to settle for what they can actually offer us and make excuses for the rest. I know deep down I always knew he wouldn't be the one to give me what I needed or deserved, but sometimes it helps to see it in bold letters. We are all worthy of having the right person who can give us everything we deserve and more without feeling as if we are asking for too much. I'm not giving up and neither should you. 

XO, Rae

Status: SINGLE

I can admit, I am still a little damaged from my last serious relationship. I don't feel pity for myself. I just know now exactly what I want and what I don't want out of my next relationship. Just because someone wants to be with you doesn't mean you have to be with them. Your not doing yourself a favor by trying to fill the void in your life. I used to look at failed relationships as a bad thing. I am a product of divorce. I typically have trust issues with men. And I haven't always picked the greatest ones to be with. I now see it as a chance to grow and learn from. I'm not perfect. I've definitely had my faults in past relationships. But all of that has helped to mold me into the person I am today. And because of lessons learned, I am more sure of what I want for myself in the future.

Being single isn't always easy or ideal. Although it is sometimes welcomed. I think being single is often looked at as a negative status. Honestly, I think more women should embrace it. But it's a choice I make. I am willing to stay single for as long as needed. God willing, that won't be forever! I'm not getting any younger. Ha! Now that I am in my thirties, it's more important for me to stay true to myself. I'm not looking for a perfect guy. I just know there are some traits I am not willing to settle for. I have goals, hopes and dreams and I want someone who I can share those with. So ladies, don't be afraid to wait for the love you deserve. 

XO, Rae

The One That Got Away

Ladies, have you ever thought to your self "what if he was the one?"  Let's face it, we have all dated a guy in the past and then later in life started to wonder could he be the one that got away?! 

In this case it's kinda reversed. I've had 2 guys that I've dated in the past that have at one time or another seeked me out again and have said the exact words of "I've always wondered what it would be like if we were still together?" It's somewhat flattering and somewhat frustrating. Is it because they have failed relationships and want to reach back into their past? Or is it because they truly feel that way now? 

Some would say that exes are that for a reason. And we all know that relationships end for all sorts of reasons. In my case both relationships didn't end on bad terms. They simply ended because at the time we were young and in different places in our lives. So it does beg the question: What if?

I think as women we tend to struggle with this question sometimes. Wondering if we passed up on "the one" or wonder could it be different now that both people are older and maybe wiser? 

We all know the phrase "leave the past in the past". Why dig up old feelings and make them fit into your present life?  But I'm sure in some scenarios it has worked out for some couples. Maybe rekindling the flame years later is not such an awful idea if both people are invested in it. 

So I say you be the judge of your own heart. You never know, YOU could be the one that got away.❤️

XO, 

Rae